i hold on when i get love and let go when i give it

[mediummmuhhh]

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[mediummmuhhh]

[ YOU SHOULD REALLY HAVE HIGHER STANDARDS FOR THIS STUFF KAGEYAMA
AFTER ALL THIS TIME HE JUST DROPPED IT IN???

at the apartment reigen is sitting back against a full cardboard box, rubbing the bridge of his nose. dimple is hovering nearby, unsympathetic but not totally unkind when he says, ‘what’s the big deal? not like he didn’t already know.’ ]

You think so?

[ his voice is dry, because it’s not really a question. ‘tch, don’t make me say it,’ dimple replies, as is his right. ]

[lovesmilk]

He's been patient with me and the pace I set...
It's only fair if I'm patient for him too

At least that's what I think

[He's excited to get home and see his fiancé...]

[mediummmuhhh]

I guess ... I kind of thought it’d have to be with bigger fanfare. He said he’d be home in twenty minutes, that’s not enough time to do anything fancy, or even make something of this mess ...

[ as reigen flicks a demonstrative hand out towards the mess of packing boxes, his phone starts buzzing again. he squeaks and dives behind a box, at which dimple rolls his eyes and leans in closer to the phone.

‘it’s your sister,’ he says. reigen peeks out from behind the box and reaches for the phone, sliding the screen lock to answer--

‘TAKA I GOT A TEXT FROM KAGEYAMA DID YOU REALLY--’

reigen, holding the phone away from his ear and then hitting the hangup button without ceremony. the phone rings again immediately with youko’s name and picture. he hits decline. it rings again so finally he puts the phone on silent and lays down on the floor. ]

Dammit, Mob ... you’d better not be texting and driving ...

[lovesmilk]

[Nope! The soba and side dishes are all done and packed up, he's paid for it, and back on the road he goes, sending only one more text and this time, to Arataka.]

Picked up the soba. Home in 10!

[mediummmuhhh]

[ ‘jeez, she’s persistent,’ dimple observes at the now-still and silent phone. ‘is it really that weird? she’s calling like you told shigeo you drove a truck into the side of his parents’ house.’ ]

I dunno. She’s never been too clocked into my love life or anything, but she knows I haven’t been serious about anybody before. And she likes Mob.

[ dimple flashes him a sideways grin. ‘first love at 25? that’s kind of loser behavior, isn’t it?’ ]

You might be talking about him too, wiseass.

[ before dimple can retort, the phone brightens again. he looks down and says, ‘shigeo texted. he says he’ll be home in ten.’ ]

... great. [ it’s not all that sarcastic, though, all things considered. reigen drags a hand over his face and lets out a huff. okay, arataka, showtime. ] You’re probably gonna wanna clear out for this one.

[ ‘gross.’ ]

I didn’t mean--not like that, moron. We’ve just gotta, I dunno, talk. --oh, and I wanted to ask you a favor anyway.

[ he’s gonna make an odd request for dimple to check up on that one guy from claw, maybe float the possibility of taking him on a job, see how he likes it. and then he’s gonna go wash up real quick, a five-minute shower, so at least he can face whatever this is gonna be with the dignity of good hygiene and not like a guy who’s been pushing moving boxes and tax forms around for hours. ]

[lovesmilk]

[Soon enough, he's home! He backs the truck into the parking, but he'll come in with just the dinner, first. He'll happily set the table for the two of them right away, too in his own fuzzy world to track Arataka down.]

[mediummmuhhh]

[ he’s still in the bathroom when mob arrives, toweling down his face. he hears the door open and close and feels his heart skip a beat. in the mirror he gives himself a long, wary look. part of him thinks he isn’t cut out for this, has never been cut out for this, will never be.

but on the other hand, the ink has already dried on the lease. and he’s been engaged for almost a year. sometimes you don’t know what you’re doing even while you’re doing it. reigen’s improvised most of his life and, well, he’s in relatively good health, hasn’t been buried alive by debt, didn’t get killed in a terrorist attack ... doesn’t that mean sometimes things just work out?

he sighs, then pulls his shirt on. as he steps out from the bathroom he’s still scrubbing down his hair. casual as anything he says, ]

Hey babe. I should’ve probably prepped a side with the soba but I think I screwed up labeling the box with the kitchenware.

[lovesmilk]

[Shigeo's practically glowing, he's so warm and fuzzy and happy. He shares that rare, unguarded and dazzling smile he has any time he's completely over the moon.]

I got some sides for it while I was ordering... we have a lot to do and unpack, so I thought this would be easier.

[mediummmuhhh]

[ at the sight of mob’s smile reigen’s step falters. he hesitates, warmth flooding his face, his already shower-heated skin. fuck. this is really happening, isn’t it. ]

Ah ... good thinking ...

[ leaving the towel over one shoulder as he steps close. at first he just thinks he’s gonna start unpacking the food too, but after another moment of hesitation he just says, ]

Um, Mob ...

[lovesmilk]

[Shigeo's getting out silverware, stacking it on some paper plates, since their plates were still packed away.]

Hmm?

[mediummmuhhh]

[ reigen, ever the more verbose between the two of them, for once has no idea what to say. his hands twitch once, restless at his sides, and then he reaches over to pull at mob’s sleeve, pulling them face-to-face.

he’s good at making their height difference negligible most days--tricks of body language, showmanship, composure. but he’s always liked it, a little, how he has to stand on his toes a bit to wrap his arms around mob’s neck. how when he wants to press in close his closed eyes just find the wings of mob’s collarbones, his face easy to hide when he’s embarrassed, his ear against mob’s heart. ]

[lovesmilk]

[Shigeo lets out an inquisitive 'hm?', but doesn't question further. He leans a bit, letting Arataka lower his posture, letting the man cuddle against him and find safety.

He doesn't know what sparked this, specifically, but that's okay. He hugs Arataka in return, gently rubbing his back with his hand.]

[mediummmuhhh]

[ god, it’s even more embarrassing that mob has to comfort him and doesn’t even know specifically why. the degree to which reigen is flustered suddenly spikes, totally without his permission. he mumbles something incoherent into the fabric of mob’s shirt. stupid wonderful handsome fiance, stupid functional decent life, the appalling prospect that everything is, actually, fine-- ]

[lovesmilk]

Shh...

[No need. Shigeo gently kisses the top of Arataka's head, resting his cheek on it and cuddling, happy to hold his fiancé close. He understood that sometimes, feelings were just... difficult to understand. He understood that very, very well.]

[mediummmuhhh]

[ mortifyingly, reigen feels a clench of painful emotion when mob kisses the top of his head. apropos of nothing he thinks, we almost died the other week. and now they’re eating soba off paper plates. thinking about getting a dog.

he burrows harder against mob’s chest, fingers curled against the nape of mob’s neck. ]

Mob, um ...

[lovesmilk]

Are you okay, Taka?

[He asks it very gently, not pulling away, still holding his beloved partner close.]

[mediummmuhhh]

... yeah. I, I’m great, I ...

[ he’s never been the brave one, out of the two of them. that he can even think about them in those terms is crazy. but they’re a couple, right? they’ve been a couple. he’s thinking about that day at his parents’ house, dressed in his salaryman suit, dash of counter cologne. annoyed but obliging till the end, ever the prodigal son. he’d just quit his sales job, he had savings, he’d been entertaining the thought of fucking off for awhile, anywhere, but he knew travel didn’t change people, you could only change yourself, or someone would do it for you ... his dad saying arataka, there’s someone we’d like you to meet. i’d like it if you’d keep an open mind ...

his hands drag down to mob’s shirtfront. with his head bent he says, mouth dry, ]

I, um. I love you. That’s all.

[lovesmilk]

Thank you, Taka... was it hard to say?

[He doesn't mind. He got to it eventually, right?]

[mediummmuhhh]

[ GOD. reigen tugs aimlessly at mob’s shirt, he’s wound up in his embarrassment, good at people, bad at feelings-- ]

I--I dunno. I guess so. Well, earlier, it kind of. Slipped out. So maybe not. But I haven’t really, before. So.

[lovesmilk]

It's okay, it's okay... it made me really happy to hear, if that helps?

[He places another kiss in Reigen's damp hair.]

Is it overwhelming?

[mediummmuhhh]

Saying it, or feeling it?

[ this is silly, he feels silly, the apartment is barely lit, he’s barefoot, bare nerves, bare heart. ]

‘Cause it’s both.

[lovesmilk]

That's okay... it's a big feeling.

[Hugs... hugs and smooches...]

[mediummmuhhh]

[ he wraps his arms back around mob’s neck and just--leans into him, swaying a little on his feet. ]

... feels bigger than me, sometimes. Like something I don’t know how to deal with.

[lovesmilk]

Mm... don't all emotions feel like that...?

[That... is definitely Shigeo accidentally telling on himself, right there.]

[mediummmuhhh]

I don’t ... think so. Or, well. I don’t think they’re supposed to be.

[ mob is repressed, reigen knows that much, but isn’t everyone keeping something inside? though not everyone has the kind of power mob does. he’s glimpsed it, how mob’s repression goes hand-in-hand with that propensity for psychic overflow, so he knows for mob this isn’t really just a philosophical question. ]